1.) You’ve finally made the big decision to improve on your lifestyle and make some healthier choices, so you decided to embark on a rad new juice cleanse to rid yourself of all those nasty toxins. New year, new you.
2.) You have all of the necessities to start your cleanse, whether you’re making your own juices or have them pre-made from a program you’re following, and you’re all set to go! In fact, you’re pumped for this and can’t wait to be uber healthy.
3.) You downed your first juice full of lots of fruits and veggies and stuff that sounded healthy while thinking to yourself “Psh, this is gonna be easy!”
4.) You head off to work and have your second juice while sitting at your desk while the rest of your coworker reheat their leftovers and order Jimmy Johns to the office … smells pretty good but you feel better and more energized than each and every one of them so this is totally worth it!
5.) Once you’re off work and heading home, your friends invite you out for appetizers and drinks, but you have to politely decline because, of course, you’re on this extremely healthy cleanse and you wouldn’t dare spoil it by polluting your body with alcohol and fun.
6.) “But am I missing out?” you think to yourself. “Of course not, there’s always time to go out for food and drinks with my friends but not always time to get healthy …right? Totally …. yeah …” you think, hoping you’re making the right decision and convincing yourself you’re on the fast track to being a more fit you.
7.) You wake up the next morning feeling energized for the day. HA, you never would have felt this great had you gone out with your friends! Although you are feeling a little light-headed … nothing you can’t fix with that green juice you grab before heading out the door.
8.) Actually, is just you or have these juices been tasting progressively worse? In fact, you’re pretty sure the one you just had for lunch tasted like someone got lazy, picked some dying leaves off the trees out back, grabbed some dead grass out of the lawn mower blades, blended it allll up, and threw it in a bottle labeled “green juice”…..
9.) Although you have to remind yourself that healthy food doesn’t always taste good. At least that’s what you’re momma always said when you were little! Your stomach grumbles loudly and echoes through every corner of the office. Hmmm, but maybe it should…
10.) You finally make it home after a long day, starving and tired. The only thing you can think of is food but the only thing you’re allowed to have is some beet juice that honestly doesn’t even look appealing. You crack it open only to be greeted by the smell of fresh dirt … yum
11.) Screw it, you’re going to bed. Maybe you’ll wake up less hungry (more like hangry) in the morning if you’re lucky. You desperately hope tomorrow will be easier.
12.) You dream of chocolate fountains and dancing lollipops all night, tossing and turning in your sleep. This looks like something straight out of Willy Wonka … talk about a nightmare.
13.) You awake still hungry, desperately craving the chocolate bars and suckers you chased in your dreams. Hell, at this point even a salad would do! “Give me food or give me my imminent death” you think to yourself.
14.) “NO, I got this.” you remind yourself. You get ready and walk out the door, juice in hand and determined to make the best of your day at the mall with your friend. This should be a welcome distraction after all!
15.) See, the mall is going fine. You lost your breath after walking around the first few stores and your only a little (okay, a lot) hungry. But it’s alll good. You’re totally fine and not about to pass out from malnourishment or anything. You can’t outlast this.
16.) You continue down to the other end of the mall when a smell suddenly hits your nostrils … what is it? OH … OH GOD NO. IT’S THE FOOD COURT. ABORT, ABORT!! GET OUT NOW.
17.) Your stomach grumbles as loudly as Godzilla did when he was in the midst of destroying the town, your senses go into overdrive, your mouth waters more than Niagara Falls, your dreams from last night come come back in vivid flashbacks.
18.) “I CAN DO THIS” you scream internally to yourself. Your brain has a different idea and its screaming back to eat all of the food. Every. Single. Thing. YOU NEED TO LEAVE. Your willpower is crumbling around you.
19.) You run out of the mall, but all you can think about is pizza and chinese takeout and cheeseburgers and sweet tea and wine… oh god, wine. You need to get home. Your decision is made to get home ASAP and there’s no stopping you. You put the pedal to the metal and cruise home at 80.
20.) You fling open the door to home, bee-lining it for the fridge with all of your juices. You push past them to grab the only frozen pizza you have left in the very back and throw it in the oven faster than you can say “GET IN MY BELLY”. You pour yourself the biggest glass of wine you’ve ever seen and down it, tasting the sweetness of temptation and betrayal while shoving two slices of pizza in your mouth at a time and think to yourself “hey, there’s always next year!” …. or not.